Pensive

ummm... i don't know if i should be sorry or not if i haven't been "outward" lately. it has not seemed appropriate and, to tell the truth, it just felt more comfortable. it was kind of one of those situations where you are afraid that your fear of not acting normal is going to make you act, not normal. if you were to ask me how things have been i would probably just say "work" i have been writing some pretty ummmm... different stuff lately but i have been writing a lot of it so that keeps me buoyant. i wish matt and josh and i were in a band and that andrea and josh were the singers. i stress about my car not working and norbert getting too cold at night. i live my life vicariously through harry potter. the only romance in my life was today when cho ran up behind harry and grabbed his hand and kissed him on the cheek. most of the time i want to listen to choir music more than anything else. i have a new favorite t-shirt that is striped. i wish i had one to wear each day. i don't like the way my room smells right now. i wish i had all this funny stuff to say all the time, like right now. im tired of being poor. i love the shampoo and conditioner i have right now. i can't remember the last time i really talked with God. i need to buy more white socks because i only have black ones and they are cheap becasuse the dye comes off on my toes. i hate sweating when i don't want to. i changed my first diper the other night and now i feel this cool bond with ewan because of poop. i just found out the other day that a bunch of people at my work thought i was gay. i think my friends are cooler than anybody else i have ever met, seriously. i haven't painted in a while but i just haven't felt like it, still that makes me feel like something is wrong with me. i made a crude joke about a really sweet lady at work today in front of a bunch of the guys but i didn't feel cool when they all laughed. i am in love with john frusciante right now. a bunch of people at work want me to go out and do karaoke with them and i don't know how i feel about that. i really love that tim came and saw me the other night and i got to tell someone in words who i am right now. that felt really good, thank you friend.