Late For Work

I sit at my desk, a center for serenity, focus, the perfect lighting and the harnessing of the ultimate in study power; the clock counting down till my departure for work. I think to myself, "if you leave now you can experience the ease of taking your time riding your bike to work. You can cool down after the ride and sit under the air conditioner in the staff room, but there will be thirty minutes that you are spending for work and not getting paid for. If you leave in fifteen minutes though, Ha Ha Ha! THEN my friend, then you will have the pure, sweet, ecstasy of freedom to do whatever you want for a whole fifteen extra minutes!" Of course I always opt for the latter.
I sit, looking around my house, smile ear to ear, in perfect nirvana with the thought that I don't have any obligations and can do whatever the hell I want for fifteen whole minutes. Fifteen minutes is a respectable amount of time you see. I might want to take another drink of coffee, I might grab a tasty snackie out of the fridge (this could take a few minutes though so I’d have to really think about it), I might want to look out the window and laugh at something surprising or comical. I don't even have to decide this minute because after this one I have fourteen more! What to do first... it is always the hardest to start and from then on everything comes so naturally. I look down at my coffee, it looks pretty tasty and steamy, maybe after I take a look out the window it will be the perfect temperature for a yummy sip.
"Oh shit!" I then say, "...while you were trying to decide you let six sweet minutes pass by!" This is the worst amount of minutes to have lost because it breaks the ten minute barrier! This is not good; anything under ten minutes is really no time at all! “What the f can I do in nine minutes!!!” It is such an evil sounding number! All of a sudden I am nervously looking around, out the window squinting my eyes to find something funny to look at while spilling coffee all over myself. I can't seem to coordinate my head panning back and forth with catching a sip whilst passing the coffee cup. I have to do both now because I don't have time to do one and then the other!! "oh God! the coffee is so hot and there are so many noises outside!"
I suddenly stop and lower my head in pure dread..... I forgot to account for brushing my teeth and putting on fresh underwear and socks. I dash from my desk like a fly about to be swat. I shoot a fist-size blob of toothpaste onto the brush and jab the toothbrush into my mouth as I run into my room tearing at my clothes like a madman. "why in the hell did I ever think I could brush my teeth while putting my underwear and socks on?! It's ludicrous! I’m loosing my mind. It is inhumane to have to live under such pressure!"
Then I stop, take a deep breath, tell myself to chill out and slowly start brushing my teeth. Standing in my room with my pants down at my ankles and one sock on, the other in-hand, I slowly and methodically start to brush. Back and forth, up and down, I am a powerful man, I can bring myself to a state of instant centeredness and calm. Mind over matter. Peace.... Quiet.... Block out the insanity Derek.
I float around my house on a little zen cloud. My sock over my hand morphs it into a duck paddle to steer with. I am captain of this sky ship. Out of my white beard protrudes a futuristic-looking smokeless pipe which makes bubbles. I float over by my computer and take a peacefully regal look at the screen and, not only is my fifteen minutes up, but another ten have already passed! That fucking ten minutes! it goes by so fast! Like a mad cow I begin to froth up a bouquet of dirty words that not even my extra whitening toothpaste and nine out of ten dentists could stand a chance against. I cannot describe the insanity I feel at this point. The world is closing in on me. I am going to loose my job and have to move home. What if my parents won't let me move in? I'll be homeless in Yucaipa or something! Dropping out of college for the sixth time I will be an even bigger embarrassment to my whole family. It will feel so awkward getting yelled at by my boss. Now I am going to have to ride as-fast-as-possible and I’ll be all sweaty when I get there. Why do I even care about this job so much? If I really do get fired that would bad but not the end. I could probably work something out. I’ve been in tighter situations before and something always works out. I probably won’t even get fired.
This is when I finally come to the state of mind that I should have had all along, “it is going to be ok, you will live and learn AGAIN that there are more important things in life to stress about. Your bosses will probably feel the same way and give you a bit of slack this time.” Worn out, I ride my bike to work. I feel a bit broken but in a good way. There was something else working itself out under the surface and now it is gone and the world turns on. I get to work and everyone seems happy to see me unaware of the time. Clock in, put on an apron, stand up next to my buddy Justin who looks up and winks at me handing me the ticket of the next sandwich to make and says, "close one huh?"