the life apathetic

so do you ever have those moments when you kind of lift your head out of your current conciousness and kind of look down on your situations at that moment? this usually happens to me most often in a spiritual context. for example, i just got all excited for myself because i just read out of my ozwald and i read like four verses in the bible. the sucky thing is that i was stoked just because i did it, not because of something God showed me or that i got out of it. it stood out to me only in contrast with my normal routine lately of looking at my bible and then looking over at the harry potter book (i know i am a dork) and choosing some fictional novel over the writings of the very voice of God the creator! something is wrong with that. how do we get our priorities so mis-placed? if i was where i want to be spiritually i would have my eyes glued to the word of God as often as humanly possible. oh how we waste our time being self satisfying sometimes! it amazes me that i can do this back and forth so much. the only thing i can think of to break me of this is to ask God for a desperate reliance on His word. to allow him to make us emotoinally, physically and spiritually desperate beyond our own controll. what a scary thing to pray! if you're like me and are honest with yourself you are probably afriad of even thinking that prayer.