a little ditty, that's all i want

what is it that makes me want to give what i have already and be so ready to give so much more to be the musician that i want to. to be heard like i want to. i have always known that i was created to have a voice, not solitarilly, but as a human, a child of the creator of everything. but there is an experience that i know everyone experiences at least once (people i know experience this almost everyday). this experience happens when we come across some peice of beauty whether it be music, art, a certain real life situation, nature, etc. in this small moment something overcomes you, i don't even know how to describe it. like everything in your life that is painful, empty, hopless or fake suddenly turns to beauty. it is more than happiness or inspiration. you only exist in this one moment that a chord changes from one to the only other chord that could ever be more perfect than any other, or the second your eyes follow from one line, from one color to another and the grace and beauty of how they play on eachother and come together lifts you to a state of pure awe. this is what drives me. the only way i can show gratitude and respect to the experiences i have had and the people that have helped create those experiences is to create them within myself. the hope and the dream comes with wanting to be a part of sharing it with others.
when josh and i were going to simpson we went through a wonderful time of creative growth through sorrow and love. we had a professor, dr. pinkston, who was different than all the other music professors. he loved radiohead for one. but he was also obsessed with the idealology (i know that is not a word ok, i am just real tired) of music. i remember him telling me once, with great excitement, about an old composer who was amazed by the beautiful sounds birds make. his passion was in the idea that a birds very purpose on earth is to make beautiful sound in praise to God. he spent years recording different bird sounds and separating them into different notes. eventually he made a symphony solely of these recorded sounds. my dream is to become like a song bird. for everything that comes from me spiritually, artistically, mentally, relationally, emotionally and physically would be a beautiful song praising the one who created me.