cool dude

so i just watched 'the squid and the whale' with curtis. i am feeling two things:
depressed for no reason, and sorry for spending time with a good friend watching some stupid indy film. Cue random hypocritical rant about how much i can't stand indy kids...
i freaking cant stand indie kids! last night i watched 'the 40 year old virgin' with matt nate and curtis and it spurned on the best conversation i've had in a long time. funny. but we got onto the subject of 'cool' and damn! it is interesting. but indie kids are the perfect example of what people (meaning you and i) do with 'cool' sometimes. the thing about being an indie kid is this, the trick about it is to try and not be what you think most people view as cool. if you can accomplish this then you are on a new level of 'cool.' you have to find bands that nobody has heard of and then you go out to see your friends and say stuff like "i know everybody would probably hate this band but I Love them." then maybe if you are really good you can reference them with some more bands that nobody has ever heard of. now don't get me wrong i love finding new music. but when you use finding new music as a way to get people to think you are different and interesting (thus becoming 'cool') bloggin and myspace can be the same thing sometimes. i myself am actually a great example of someone who cares way too much about being 'cool' i actually wrote "blah blah blah" on my myspace under the 'music interests' section! what was i thinking!!! i'll tell you... i knew that people know that there are some people who list bands in that section just because it would make them look 'cool' so because of my extensive experience in trying to be cool i knew thati would look way cooler to write 'blah blah blah' 'cool' can actually be very easily substituted with insecurity. cool: what you think other people think is interesting and fresh and original. this is what i think, i think that it is coolest just to do what you like. i have to go further than that though. you also should allow other people to do whatever they like and instead of being judgmental about it just accept and appreciate it. now let me say here that this is all more just a pep talk for myself than anything. i even struggle with the idea that anyone would read this right now and think i am cool for writing it. but that is ok i don't care. i need to work out thoughts sometimes and this is the only way that really does it for me sometimes. one thing that is crazy to think about is this... what if everyone was super open minded and graceful and understanding and it actually was ok just to do whatever you liked? my first thought is that it would be boring because no one would be trying to be cool anymore and wouldn't be trying to dress crazy and do weird things and like/make weird music. the more i think about it i realize that in actuality there would probably be more creativity and wildness and weirdness which we all truly love deep down. this is all with the exception, of course, that healthy creative competition was still intact. when it all comes down to the nitty gritty i love it. i love all the weird things people do. i am ok with hating certain bands that other people love and vice versa.