i don't know what it is lately man. life has been weird. like sitting through a movie that you are not into anymore but still paid for so you feel kinda guilty about hanging around. i need a new adventure. being in a band during times like this is hard because you cannot live life on your own terms. i've always done that. i've always been able to just pick up and leave whenever i felt that i was starting to collect dust. i find myself longing for nature and the north. these are areas where i feel ok being alone. as far as being 'not' alone, i have always been able to ease the sting of loneliness one way or another but now that i find myself growing tired of and just too old for the old tricks it is getting serious. i'm tired of seeing the tan skin and the fake boobs and all the metal and paint and the wal-marts the "aesthetically manicured" palm trees and cement and asphalt that only disappears at a vanishing point of hazy brown air. i need to free myself from this waste or i need to get the waste out of my head because something has been poisoned.