I feel like lately God has been trying to tell me to stop running frantically around trying to "find myself." I seem to have gotten lost somewhere between who I used to be and who I am to become. To make matters worse, I lost contact with Jesus along the way. It is hard to become an adult, especially in the spiritual sense, it seems. Oswald brings up a very important point in that, being the awfully sensationalist fool that I can be at times, it is hard to quiet and humble my heart in order to learn how to be a follower of Christ when it is not as easy as it used to be. Now I no longer have the church youth group or the christian punk band or the hume lake or the working at a christian camp or the going to a Christian school or any of the other mountain top-ish things. I have long beach. I have real life. It is something I always longed for when looking out from inside the Christian bubble. Now that I am on the "mean streets" and among "the mean people" sometimes I want to run screaming back to the bubble. I hate that about my spiritual childhood. I feel that the comfort was so great and the challenges so small. That is not how it always is though and I don't mean to disown responsibility for myself. It is not like I went into a coma after simpson and just woke up.... well I guess in some ways it might be. But I know that when it seemed to get more real I adapted my relationship in order to "cope". I didn't stay strong in my faith and learn and grow through the new challenges and hardship presented in becoming a spiritual adult. I invented a functional faith so that I could continue to not be challenged when the real challenges would have come. My whole young life I always thought that I would be this "sold out to the Lord" guy when I became an adult. I hate to think that I grew out of that. Nothing makes more sense to me about this life than to live it that way.
I just miss the fellowship I guess. That has been seriously laking in my life. We are going to change that though. We need each other more than practicality would allow. It has always been that way and we have always been aware of it.
3 comments:
i too have these 'functional faith' times. and when i snap out of it i think 'well, its a good thing i have chosen to subscribe to christianity rather then hinduism, otherwise i would probably come back to this earth as a dog. all for this little bout of selfishness, (sigh)!'
and what i am trying to say is there is always grace, always! and i cannot get over the fact that He keeps no record of wrong. each time we come back to fix our broken spirits, He rejoices. never with any judgement. NEVER!
well said man. we do need it more, and the other night was awesome. for some reason i worry that i am annoying or sound cocky when we hang out and talk. i hope not. i love our honesty with eachother, we all as friends do need to keep that up.
and tat is a great oswald quote, that needs to be so apparant to us everyday, as it already is, we can percieve our lives and spiritual walks that way.
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