sick

i am sick. this is what i'll write about because when i am sick it is seldom and sitting in bed stresses me out. i can't do enough when i am feeling ship shape so how can i handle this minor disability. today, after i got back from class i thought to myself, "you are sick, just lay down and take a nap. nap i did not! i lay there stressing about what i should be doing and how stressed i am that being sick makes the doing that much more miserable.

i forgot my older sister's birthday. what an ass i am. i didn't remember the next day either. i remembered like a week later!! i may be loosing my mind. what am i so focused on that i can't even remember my sister's birthday?! i really could be going crazy. maybe that is what is happening here. i would actually feel a little at peace if that is all that was going on and life was just great and normal. the alternative is that life is just a little crazy right now and it is hard for a perfectly sane and reasonable/balanced person to accept. (we all know that this is laughably not so) what could only be worse than both scenarios would be that i'm perfectly sane, life is great and normal and i am just confused, stressed, and maybe a bit lazy. ouch, that's probably what it is. it feels like there is a jigsaw puzzle that everyone is given and begins to work on, i, don't like the way my picture is coming together (or maybe, more accurately, simply that i don't get to choose what the picture is) so i've spent all this time trying to re-arrange, cut pieces, paint pieces, trade pieces with others... now i am at a point where i am feeling like i've just made a mess of it all and i look up and everyone else had there puzzle almost complete and they are getting ready to frame it and peacefully sit back and enjoy the picture.

in other news, anyone know of anywhere i could get a new job?